08 Oct Why is Communication in Relationships So Hard? – Consider 3 Main Factors
At the beginning of a relationship, it can seem very easy to “get” each
After all, you’re in love. And cupid has a tricky little way of blinding you from most other negative emotions.
As time goes by, however, negative feelings can build up, making
effective communication very necessary. The problem is that communication is usually one of the most difficult tasks to accomplish in a
relationship. In fact, it plays a huge role in the breakdown of most
So, why is it so hard? And, what do you do about it?
1. Emotions Impact the Delivery
To keep it short and simple, communication involves two steps. The first step is to identify how you’re feeling (and possibly why you’re feeling it). The second step is to share those feelings with your partner without inflicting condemnation.
Many people get stumped on the first step, feeling incredibly intense
emotions but not really knowing why. So they sling vitriol and accusations
toward their partner unnecessarily.
In most cases, though, the other partner doesn’t usually get the full
message. Rather, they’re left guessing what’s really going on and feeling very
attacked in the meantime.
And this is just one example. There are loads of situations in which one
partner lets their emotions take control of the steering wheel as well as the
A better approach is to allow strong emotions to move through you.
Experience and acknowledge them, taking in the reason why you feel the way you do. Then, when you’re calm, talk with your partner about your feelings, without the notorious finger-pointing.
2. All “Languages” Aren’t Created Equally
Each person makes sense of life in a different way. While some people find their life purpose by lending a helping hand, others are more the sideline cheerleaders.
What does this mean for your relationship? It means that your partner
may experience meaningfulness in a different way than you do.
For example, your partner may feel the most special when you cook them their favourite meal. But they may express their love by writing you a short love letter each morning.
We’re each different and we understand love differently. A powerful key
to effective communication is to learn all that you can about your partner.
Know what makes them tick and take the time to understand how they express their love.
People often feel rejected when their partner doesn’t share their love
in the same “language.” This type of gap can be eliminated by taking the time to truly know one another.
3. Ignorance Isn’t Bliss
Our family histories play a significant role in how we communicate with others.
As mentioned before, the first step in effective communication is to
locate our own feelings. This first step is problematic to some simply because
they don’t have emotional intelligence on their side. As a result, they have no clue what they’re actually feeling.
Many people in this situation peg anger on any negative emotions they
sense. As you can imagine, this is highly unsuccessful in terms of
When you’re raised in an environment is unsupportive of emotional
intelligence—one that doesn’t allow you or teach you to identify and regulate your emotions—you have to do it on your own through trial and error. Essentially, you have to figure out what you feel.
Emotional unintelligence may sound harsh, but really, it’s simply living
life without vital internal information. And you’re not at all to blame. Plus,
it creates many problems in effective communication because the communicator doesn’t really know what to communicate.
The solution to increasing your emotional intelligence is to learn to
identify your feelings and emotions. It’s helpful to name your emotions as you feel them and, then, trace them back to a certain moment when they arose.
As a result, you’ll become more familiar with how you feel and why you
feel that way. This allows you to communicate from a place of confidence.
Mastering effective communication in your relationship may be one of the most difficult endeavours of your life. Yet, it’s one of the most worthwhile as well.
For more support creating the relationship you want, please contact me today (07) 32825453 . I would like to help you write the love story you truly desire.